Dear Ma, You pampered me too much. I am still having issues when colleagues don’t hug me every morning. My teeth were never too big. I was never too dark. My deeds were never too bad. I turn violent when someone criticises me. You fed me whatever I wanted. No ugly veggies, no milk today, I hate fish. Gobi pakoda please. You should look at my BMI today. I ruled over my sisters. I ruled over you. I was the SON. My wife got a…Continue Reading “A practical son’s message on Mothers Day”

pakhala

Odias were a prosperous people. You know, Kalinga, Utkala, shipping prowess, java, sumatra and all that. They also invented head transplant before Ganesha’s doctors did and aeroplanes before Ravana did. Then, some jealous race planted this dude insidious character among Odias. The character created something called Pakhala. Within a generation, Odias stopped all shipping bullshit. Within five, they stopped going out of Odisha. By twentieth century, Odias were used to sleeping 12 hours a day, rarely stepping out of the house and generally being lazy…Continue Reading “The story of pakhala and Odia decline”

There are things we do because we like them, not because we care about the world or are eco warriors or are conservators etc. In one of my earlier posts, i had mentioned how we created a balcony garden, failed, hired a mali, fired a mali and then i started composting kitchen waste and the balconies turned into Amazonian forests. But it seems not all efforts lead to good things. That a tenth floor balcony is not a safe place. That you can’t have your…Continue Reading “The monster in my hibiscus pot and the dangers of organic farming”

When I peel garlic, I wonder what the hell was the plant thinking all through the evolution? That it will fly and build a colony on Jupiter? For god’s sake, the pods are shrink wrapped, tied at both ends and then they hug each other like it’s a tribal dance inside a clean film and then there is extra packaging on top so that they can last ten cataclysmic events. It is the Hilsa of condiments. I can still understand some human misbehaved with a…Continue Reading “Peeling garlic, thinking Hilsa, evolution and tribal dances”

Why should girls have all the fun! I am tired of seeing women tag each other in some saree challenge, some gorgeous pic, some black and white pic and what not. Yaar hadd hai, hum mardon ka koi tag hi nahin hai. So, here are a few ideas, let’s finalise one and start a tag. And, these are very man tags, no woman would ever dare hijack this. So, feel free boys. 1. Post a shaving photo of yours and tag real men who shave….Continue Reading “Facebook tagging campaign ideas for men”

A decade back, while on a bus to Mussorie, I had written how Delhi was a city that acted as a jail. Punishing those within the premises and punishing harder the ones who tried to escape. That was about the roads, now a decade later, same can be said of the airways. During the last few months, I have had numerous instances of flights that refused to either take off or land in time. One of the Air India flights that I took, this one to…Continue Reading “Flights and learnings”

For the last few days, Kanhaiya and a fellow students photo has been doing the rounds. She is not a professor, but a fellow student. But why should one need to clarify? They are sitting close to each other. Almost touching. A man a woman, touching. Any scene that depicts a woman as a woman riles something up in a rightwinger. Something about those half pants that traps them in eternal boyhood, contorts their view to see a woman only as a mother or a…Continue Reading “Blame the half pants”

You feel it when you see a happy photo of a friend, your ex-flame in a happy moment, or even a stranger who seems to have more than you do, or sometimes for no significant reason at all. It is a singularly powerful emotion.  Jealousy. You will not find another instance in life when an enotion that is so pure (pure as juxtaposed to good and evil), so natural, so obvious and so uninhibited has been villified as so much evil. I don’t understand why…Continue Reading “Why we must celebrate jealousy”

When Facebook friends replace friends and when life is nothing but a long cruel wait between notifications, you need a digital detox. I am on one. Started today. What do I plan to do on my detox? Document every day so I can write a digital article at the end of the quarantine, whenever it is. Day 1 It’s a Monday. After a hard night of partying, woke up with two good old friends, went for a famed chole bhatura breakfast and streetside chai. Fantastic…Continue Reading “My digital detox”

The ecology will take care of itself. Or, god will. You should have burst a few crackers. You should have stared that street urchin in the eye. Told him it’s not you who brought him to this world. You should not have made that donation if you didn’t want to. It may not look so, but your life is no less of a struggle. Don’t be reluctant. Tell your conscience to shut up. You started where they did. Instruct housekeeping to change your linen. The…Continue Reading “A little less reverent”

Today morning was an insightful one. As I was wearing my belt, I noticed that I had gone way beyond the last hole. But a man can’t be seen without a belt. That would be the most singular sign that one has rejected civilization in its entirety. Anyway, that brings me to the topic that this little conversation is about – how to eat like a pig and not gain weight. I have been passing on the secret all around. Worrying. If you worry enough,…Continue Reading “Lost by a hole”

Social media is supposed to be easy and just. It’s the mass engine, takes time but reaches at all the right conclusions. The AAP wins, the Congress loses. The small quirky restaurant wins, the big media advertisers lose. A voiceless intern wins, the pillars of power lose. Unlike in real world, you don’t have to move mountains to get noticed. You do good, put it out there, get dressed and wait for people to lift you on their shoulders. The larger wheel of social media…Continue Reading “You win, social Media!”

The world is coming to an end. At least, for bloggers, it is. Never before in the history of mankind had a vocation attracted so many talented people without the promise of any tangible rewards. You may argue that hundreds of thousands run to Bollywood to become film stars, even more enroll for doctor and engineer courses, may be, as many stow away in ships and travel to the developed world. That argument sounds solid, so let me tear it apart, one example at a…Continue Reading “6 indisputable reasons why every blogger should go on a strike”

The rains…they make everything look better. The all drenched girlfriend looks better, the chai and pakoda looks better, go out with a shitty camera and every photo you click looks better. Only if someone would have remembered to air condition the world (talking to you, god!). Anyway, here is a little proof of the monsoon beauty: This is what every amateur, wanna be, under-talented photographer does. Point his camera at the flora and fauna and feel like a rockstar. I believe when the object is…Continue Reading “Monsoon, photography, nobel prize, dragonfly etc”

Year 2050. God is dead, five of the greatest men on earth are called upon to find a solution. All from different eras, they meet virtually in chat room. Here is what transcribed: INTERNET CHAT ROOM: SUPER AVENGERS, YEAR: 2050 MAHATMA_PEACEMAN: Hello BARACKATTACK2008: Hello MAHATMA_PEACEMAN: Who are you? BARACKATTACK2008: The most powerful man in the world. who are you? MAHATMA_PEACEMAN: The guy who defeated the most powerful empire of the world. BARACKATTACK2008: So, you are a vietnamese? THEREALSUPERMAN: Guys, peace out, stop being juveniles and…Continue Reading “How to hire a god”

masala oats

Breakfast like a champion! I never did. Never became a champion too. But who cares. Breakfast is for weenies. Babies and animals need to stuff themselves as soon as they wake up. I planned on being neither. Using my own will and volition, I always chose to stay in bed and wake up after the rest of the world has gone to their offices or anywhere else their mundane lives took them. I indulged in food only when my heart and stomach agreed on an…Continue Reading “The rise and fall of masala oats”

You are playing hard to get There is nothing to get There is you I am not here for you to get me How do you know Because I do You never do But, about this, I do That you don’t want me to get you ? Yes You don’t want me to get you, or keep trying and not get you ? Both Hmm… You are leaving then Not yet Why not, don’t you get it? No Ok, I will leave then I will…Continue Reading “Hero or Villain?”

All you can eat buffets are the holy cows in restaurant marketing. But what does it mean? All you can eat actually, emotionally and appealingly means all you want to eat. No one will stop you, no one will bill you extra for anything – you eat whatever and as much as you want to eat. But practically, you can’t eat as much as you want. You can only eat a little more than you generally do eat. So, you get the point. But we…Continue Reading “All you can eat buffet”

God created summer, man created the air conditioner God created winter, man created the heater God created mountains, man created dynamite Go created thorns, man created shoes God created flowers that perish, man created perfume God created the universe, man built the temples So, who is doing the proposing and who is doing the disposing, eh?

Quite a few mosquitoes, when you try to kill them, will fly high and away no sooner than your slap misses them. Some others are indifferent indifferent to the thunder and hover close to their point of attack nonchalantly, completely impervious to the assassination attempt. Eventually, just to state a matter of statistical accuracy, these daredevils are the ones that get killed more often. One might ascribe and diligence and commitment to their indifference. But then this commitment certainly kills!