The world is coming to an end. At least, for bloggers, it is. Never before in the history of mankind had a vocation attracted so many talented people without the promise of any tangible rewards.
You may argue that hundreds of thousands run to Bollywood to become film stars, even more enroll for doctor and engineer courses, may be, as many stow away in ships and travel to the developed world. That argument sounds solid, so let me tear it apart, one example at a time.
First, the Bollywood chasers. Look at the biggest stars, they have the life of kings and even those working in the serials make a decent buck. A few reality and dance shows and you are done for life. Every year, we hear of a struggler finally making it in the industry. So, there is hope that leads others on.
Now, where are those stars, sea facing bungalow owning bloggers?
How much do they make?
How do you make a living if you don’t become a star?
Heck, most bloggers work harder and are less paid than a Chinese factory worker!
Second, hordes of doctor and engineering aspirants. Look around you, thousands pass out every year. But show me one who needs a full time job to support his passion for medicine or engineering? In fact, show me one impoverished one, just one and I will accept defeat.
Third, the third world stowaways. Most of these people are running away from abject, inhuman conditions of life prevailing in their place of earth. Sometimes, boarding the ship is the only alternative to eating some shit and praying for food poisoning. So, no matter what happens, life is bound to improve.
Dear bloggers, you are sailing towards what every stowaway is running away from – years of unpaid work.
Now, here are ten more reasons why we should all go on an indefinite strike:
1. Mommy matters:
Here is how it goes:
Mommy: Son, why are you so glued to the computer all the time?
Son: I blog, mom
Mommy: You what? What new game is that now?
Son: It’s not a game mom
Mommy: Why don’t you brush up on your geography?
Be happy mommy, I am going on a strike.
2. The Unpaid labourer:
A true blogger does not place ads on his blog and he does not write sponsored posts. Blogging, like no other profession, has the same level of either/or relation between money and authority. The irony of it is that the only blogs that make money are the ones that advice on how to make money from blogs.
Good bye senseless economy, I am going on a strike.
3. An unequal writer
A blogger writes, but he is not a writer. No literary festivals, no million dollar awards, no government shawls for us. Bloggers put down a shitload amount of alphabets but it hardly counts unless a lucky slugger gets a book deal, or a sponsored project or becomes something else altogether. So, being a blogger is a transitional phase, a waiting period for the caterpillar to transform into a butterfly.
Loathe on you, you biased world, I am going on a strike.
4. The middle finger of technology
People buy books and forget to read them, it happens all the time. No one cares how much dust it gathers once a book is sold. But we bloggers have to sweat over bounce rates, page views, time spent on the site and what not. Writing a brilliant piece is never enough, you got to insert keywords and wait for the nod from your two masters: the reader and the search engines.
Techworld, may your zeroes and ones never add up, I am going on a strike.
5. The backs and behinds of friends
If you are a blogger long enough, you will see a lot of those. Initially, they will indulge your whims. They will wait patiently for you to take the most perfect photo of food on the table. They won’t mind when you log in from their computer and like all your posts. They will even read a few pieces and comment on the blog.
But, whosoever said all good things must come to an end, left out a crucial part. They don’t just end, they turn into green liquid spewing monsters. Your friends support your blogging as much as they support their kids doing hoola hoops. But try telling them it’s a career move!
Friends, you well-wishing, well meaning utilitarians, may your kids never learn how to play a guitar. I am going on a strike.
6. You are a TG
This is a privilege that no other writers have. Marketing departments draw out a section in the pie for you, because no product launch will be successful without you. You are the target group, and you must be taken care of.
Dear blogger, please come, please eat our low-budget food, please listen to our pitches, please take notes and copy slides from our presentation. Please go home and write your very flattering report. Dear blogger, what will we do without you, no one else works so hard for a free lunch!
Dear blood sucking Marketing Head, may your blood group suddenly turn to O negative. I am going on a strike.
If you are a blogger, please don’t worry about commenting, retweeting, Liking or whatever else you do. Enjoy, you are on strike.