Last day of my battle on straws

Categories Humour

Few days back I shared a lot on how straws are destroying the earth and about the StopSucking campaign etc. My battle with straws has come to an untimely end. Why?

I walked into a departmental store, picked up a few Nescafe cold coffees, the Intense ones. I plucked the straws from the tetrapack, hung them from the shelf. The store already does that, so I was not disfiguring. I knew I could pour it into a glass at home or find an old straw at home.

The next morning I decided to carry one for the drive to office. I could not find an old one. So, I picked one of those long cola straws. Now, inside the car, I could not puncture the tetrapack with the long straw because these are way too soft. I tried one of my longer canines. I considered pulling the key out and using that. But the signal turned to green. I finally managed with the canine.

Given how disfigured the puncture was, the straw just won’t go in. So, I had to squeeze it into my mouth while keeping one eye on the road. One time, the pack sprayed onto my shirt – a fine sky blue linen shirt that was tailored, not bought off the shelf. It has coffee stains now, let alone the lives I put at risk while puncturing, spraying, cursing, sucking and patting myself on the back for having saved the world from that monster two inch straw.

Now, I am changed man. Straws are my best friends. Last night, I had dinner with straws – fried rice, noodles and garlic fish – all sucked powerfully and delightfully with a straw. Don’t stop sucking, we men are born to suck. Women too, btw.